Predators

It has been said, on Family Guy, that a film starring Adrien Brody was a way to NOT get people to watch it. However, Predators is contradictory to this theorem. Brody along with Topher Grace (That 70's Show), Laurence Fishburne (Matrix), and Danny Trejo (Machete) fill out a cast of soldiers mysteriously brought to a planet to be hunted by a triad of predators that are more ruthless than in the Schwarzenegger days.

By slapping an 'S' on the end of the old title, the new film can be allotted free reign on a storyline that consists of being hunted and hunting people. This film in NO way follows the path of the older version and does not coincide with the Alien vs. Predator films. Explosions, guns, blood, dirt, fire, fear....a guy film. I was as entertained as I was watching Arnie fight off the aliens but this one had better cinematography, better effects, and some nice fight scenes that kept me wanting more.

Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 8/8.5

Monsters

A film very reminiscent of Cloverfield, Monsters tells the story of a man and woman trying to escape an alien infested area of Mexico. 6 years into an invasion, the U.S. border is populated by huge octopus-like creatures that have a mean streak. Sam and Andrew struggle through aliens, price-jacking smugglers, and eerie situations as they try to get back to the "real world".

I liked this film but there were too many moments that I had to wait to enjoy the show. The aliens were cool, much like a fleshy version of the aliens from the Tom Cruise version of War of the Worlds. I would have to say that this was just a time-filler movie for me. There have been much better movies about aliens... Predators for instance....I dont know what else to say really. Maybe if there were zombies in it too I would enjoy it more...

Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement

1-10: 5

Circle of Fury

A low budget film that targets guys who are in need of a fight movie. Drugs, underground fight clubs, and revenge. The perfect storm of movie subjects to make guys come-a-runnin. Unfortunately, the film lacked flow, acting, and cinematography to back it. I appreciate what they were trying to do. A U.S. army vet returns home, homeless and reunites with his best friend. Unknown to him was that his best friend became the cities most notorious drug dealer and illegal fight promoter. When all the secrets come forth, the friendship ends and the stress level rises as friends become enemies and drug dealers do what they do best....kidnap girlfriends, punch adversaries, and challenge ex-best-friends to all-or-nothing fights for what is theirs.
You know whats goin on now....what do you think? Sound exciting. I think it can peak SOME interest...but like I said, there was not enough cash going into this film to bring it to the level that it needed to be to be viable....

Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 5

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

A friend of mine told me to watch this film and I had been hesitant before the prodding. Afterall, the only film I had seen previously with the same name, was a Disney musical with no words. Not my "cup o' tea". Knowing this was a Jerry Bruckheimer film. Knowing this was a Nicolas Cage Film ('Knowing' is a film that Nicolas Cage was in too). I had a certain idea what I was in for. A cross between Pirates of the Caribbean and National Treasure with an actor with the charisma of an eggplant. Now just throw in a dusting of a Harry Potter(ish) story and you have the film I am speaking of NOW. Fortunately, these ingredients make a pretty palatable dish. I like this film for what its worth... pure entertainment with some twists and great special effects.
If you enjoy fantasy, fairy tales, adventure, and eye popping excitement then you should check this film out when it comes to DVD.

Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 7.5

Machete

Robert Rodriguez has written a script, whose storyline originates from the Mexican film world. Machete is not a new idea. Originating in 2006, Machete is a story of an ex-federale who after witnessing his family murdered because he would not succumb to bribes from the big time smuggler on the border of Texas and Mexico, goes to America in an attempt to live in peace, but finds himself right back in the middle of it all. With the help of his friends, an undercover customs officer and a disguised taco truck saleslady, they go on a rampage to get the justice they are searching for. A justice that gives rights to the struggling Mexican community.
By the way, I would like to tell you the cast line up of this...quite a crew! Danny Trejo (his first starring role I might add), Robert DeNiro, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan, and Jeff Fahey who plays Trejo's nemesis, Booth.
Rodriguez and Quentin Tarrantino rely on blood and gore to intensify the films they create. I relate Rodriguez as well as Tarrantino as modern day rap stars. They take old films (songs in the rappers case) and "re-make" them into a modern day film (beat). Not being known for originality, they often take their favorites scenes from older films and tweak them to enhance their own films, usually with just more violence. Knowing this, in my opinion, still left me entertained by this film. The film is made with a low-budget, 70's film which uses a continuous flow of action to keep the viewer glued to their seat. If you have a weak stomach, then do NOT watch this film. ie) Trejo is able to swing down to the floor below him by jumping out a window clinging to the large intestine of a criminal he stabbed with his machete..... need I say more.... going into the film knowing that everyone is an actor, being paid to pretend it is real life, MAY help you absorb and move on from a scene like that.... :o{)

Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 7.5

p.s. - I would like to thank my Uncle John for pointing out the use of old story lines used in Tarrantino's film......

Resident Evil: Afterlife

The fourth film in a series of Zombie films created from the hit video game, Resident Evil. Milla Jovovich again plays Alice, a super-human being created to eliminate the un-dead. As Alice eliminates zombies infected with the notorious T-virus, she is also on a quest to understand the Umbrella Corporation. To any "real" gamer, this is all old news ( I have a feeling many of my followers would be considered "gamers")(no offense). Anyway, Alice teams up with a former killer of the undead, Claire (Ali Larter) who after an attack loses her memory of her life, friends and family. Resident Evil: Afterlife is a 90 minute adventure with great fight scenes, new killer zombie hybrids, and a cool cinematic approach as this film was created for three dimensions.
If you have followed through my reviews for the last couple years, you know I am partial to zombie flicks. This film, along with the other R.E. chapters, are a great "quadrilogy". Though each is similar, most people watch this type of film to see bullets blowing zombies heads off in new and interesting fashion. This film gives you new types of zombie along with clever ways to dispatch these evil creatures. I approve of this film.

Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 8

Stay Cool

Sean Astin (Rudy, The Goonies, Lord of the Rings) plays a gay guy. Astin as far as I have read and seen, has always prided himself on his roles and his professionalism. I think that his role of Sam, Frodo's "super close friend" almost made him make the next step in his acting career. He threw his credibility out the window in this film, Stay Cool. He plays a stereotypical, flamboyant, boa-wearing gay guy working at a hair salon. And, this has NOTHING to do with the main story...I was just taken aback. Really the story is about a nerd-turned-successful author, Henry McCarthy (Mark Polish) and goes back to school to give the commencement speech in his hometown. His book, dealt with the "girl who got away" and after returning home he was confronted by his "dream girl" (Winona Ryder). All the while, a girl at the school (Hillary Duff) has the hots for him and asks him to Prom which he never had the chance to go to as a high-schooler. Old feelings and regrets haunt McCarthy as he battles with what he should do and what he wants to do. A cameo appearance by Chevy Chase as the school principal adds to the comedic aspect of the film.
A bit unrealistic and an over-dramatized story of circumstances that would never REALLY happen, fill this story. Any grown man would have the wits about him to turn back on some of the decisions he makes. An unrealistic lack of judgment infected the film and turned this story into an almost "fairy tale". There was an entertaining aspect of the film... the idea of going back to your hometown only to see everyone still moving through the town embarrassed to still be stuck there was a funny tweak to the storyline.

Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 5

Twelve

A young drug dealer (Chase Crawford) turns to a life of crime after his mothers death. As his life goes downhill, his life is dismantled in the wake of his cousin's murder, which sees his best friend arrested for the crime. Crawford plays a drug dealer to the upper class NYC student scene as he crosses between the elitist, arrogant and entitled youth of Manhattan and the slums of Harlem to collect what the rich kids so dearly crave, Twelve. Twelve is a new drug and drives kids into deep addictions and eutopic stupors. After a birthday party for the "most popular girl in school", things go wrong after a combination of drugs, misunderstood teens, and a troubled sibling combine into a tornado of misfortune.
I was captivated by this film. Keifer Sutherland narrated the film and did an excellent job of bringing the emotion into the scenes. 50 Cent plays a ruthless drug dealer and Rory Culkin plays the kid in school desperately trying to find his niche and find his place in the social status of his fellow classmates. I have never been in any of the crazy circumstances portrayed in this film but I think the film did a good job of portraying what it really would be like. The film as a whole I can say takes a good look at the effect of a loss of a parent on a child. If not handled correctly, things can spiral fast. The feelings seemed real and though the story was "extreme", it was able to be followed and enjoyed.

Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 8.5

The Switch

This guy(Jason Bateman) likes a girl(Jennifer Aniston). The girl just thinks of him as a friend. The girl moves away after a very awkward disturbing thing the guy did, unknown to the girl. The girl moves back but has a new boyfriend. The guy still loves her and finally convinces her that she loves him too. Want a more in depth story...ok. An unmarried 40-year-old woman turns to artificial insemination to get pregnant. Seven years later, she reunites with her best friend, who has been living with the secret that he replaced her preferred sperm sample with his own.
Have you ever heard of this story? I have. 1000 times. Not the minor details but the outline. Most romantic comedies follow this basic formula. Of course there were a few extra spices thrown into the mix like a child, a sperm donor, and....thats it. To be completely up front with you readers, I fell asleep for 30 minutes during this film...there MIGHT have been something completely interesting while I was sleeping..but I would bet that it stuck close to the normal storyline of EVERY film of its genre.... The kid in the movie was good. That's all I got.

Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 6.5

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Scott Pilgrim must defeat his new girlfriend's seven evil exes in order to win her heart. After a fairly easy break up with his "under-aged" girlfriend, Knives, Scott (Michael Cera) becomes smitten by a new girl, Ramona, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Unfortunately, she brings along some baggage in that her 7 ex-boyfriends are ticked off and want to crush Pilgrim. Thus, unrolls the saga of a fight for the hand of Ramona. A video game world of points, extra lives, bonuses and humanly impossible fight moves develops so that Scott Pilgrim can reign victorious. Along the way, he learns valuable lessons about himself and what really matters.
I was happy to see that it was the marketing team of this movie that was at fault, as opposed to the movie itself. The commercials I saw failed to interest me ( I was taking one for the team when I chose this one. JUST so I could tell my readers. You're welcome). The movie ended up being less cheesy than the ads, still had its fair share of eye rolling scenes, but was fast paced enough to make me forget about those moments as they moved on to the next "level". The music was not my type of rock. I think you would have to be a fan of indy bands like The Hives to really appreciate the soundtrack, but overall, it's worth a rent or a download. Don't waste your time sitting at a theater.

Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 6.5

Salt

After a CIA agent (Angelina Jolie) is accused of being a Russian spy, she goes on the run to clear her name. Fortunately, this is not the end of the story. Many doors are unlocked metaphorically speaking and we find there is much more than meets the eye. Salt is a tale of deception, betrayal, patriotism, and just doing what you gotta do to survive. Jolie definitely channeled her role as Tomb Raider as she runs around Washington D.C. kicking everyone's butt in the city. Wait til the end, and you will be thirsty for a sequel, which they HAD to have in mind as they blatantly left the ending open for part two.
Though the concept is similar to Jason Bourne of Bourne Identity, it definitely has its own unique elements. I am always skeptical of seeing skinny, almost anorexic girls, beating up grown, government trained men. I feel like I could take a barrage of karate moves from a woman such as Jolie, but for the sake of the movie, it was entertaining. This film definitely was intense and kept me entertained all the way through. I really am excited to see what she is gonna be up to in the sequel. Nice Work Angelina. The best thing you've done since Shark Tale.

Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 8

Piranha 3D

Hmmmm....what to say about Piranha???? If you re-use all of the cinematic elements that made Jaws a classic suspense/thriller and replaced the actors with B-list celebs....and THEN complete the film with CGI fishies, you have now created the epic re-make, Piranha 3D.
Not the best remake I have ever seen. I like Ving Rhames, I like Elizabeth Schue, I could take or leave Jerry O'Connell and I WISH Christopher Lloyd (Dr. Emmet Brown from Back To The Future I,II, and III) had more of a dominant role, only because he has a special place in my heart for his invention of a time traveling Delorian which ran on a flux capacitor at "1.21 Jigawatts!!"
Piranha is a story about a small vacation town that suffers a horrific prehistoric piranha infestation after a earthquake opens a sub-terranian lake underneath another lake. Unfortunately this happens at the worst possible moment, College Spring Break. A bunch of drunk bikini clad, careless girls and idiotic, rebellious boys are turn to fish food and the scenes of their demise make this worthwhile (sick as it is to say). The director of the film did a good job thinking up great ways to film fish eating people in a variety of ways....I guess its the fishes way of getting back at us for all the sushi we eat....

Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 4

Vampires Suck

Vampires do suck....but not as much as this film. Its unfortunate that there is a market for this kind of STUPID humor that relies on the obvious and overboard. But, as long as there are middle school aged kids around, these movies will keep being made. A spoof on the Twilight "saga", Vampires Suck can be only good for one thing....giving new young actors a job....unfortunately after starring in this film it will most likely be their last....
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Scary Movie I,II,III,IV (are there more?), but to just repeat the idea for every film gets a bit old. If you have seen the Twilight series, just imagine EVERYTHING that happens in it as a joke, and you can say, by default that you have seen Vampires Suck.
P.S. - I have to admit, I cracked up 2 times very hard....but thinking back, I can NOT remember what it was that made me laugh...good or bad thing?

Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 5

The Other Guys

After a slow start, I finally bought into Will Ferrell's new comedy. It took the death of Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to get me laughing and I think that this is where the film to get good. Two mismatched NYC detectives seize an opportunity to step up after their "hero" cops die -- only things don't quite go as planned. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg star in a comedy/cop film written by Adam McKay (Anchorman, Step Brothers, Talladega Nights). After being thought of as complete idiots, Ferrell and Wahlberg attempt to redeem themselves by busting an undercover plot to steal millions from the NYPD...
The chemistry between the two main characters, Will and Mark, made this movie a great film to watch. However, the "cookie cutter" approach to this film which unfortunately takes place in all of McKay's films did make this film seem to drag on. If you are not a fan of Ferrell's type of comedy, then this is NOT the film for you... all 107 minutes of this film are peppered with "classic" Ferrell-isms, which made me laugh. As the movie went on the jokes got better and I began to really enjoy the duo's energy on screen.

Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 7.5/8

The Expendables

A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator. The team, nicknamed "The Expendables" is like the A-Team on Steroids....Literally... Sly Stallone leads the crew along with an iconic cast of action heroes... Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, and Bruce Willis. Also filling out the cast is a cameo from Arnie Schwarzenegger, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Eric Roberts, and Terry Crews. (Terry Crews by the way, correct me if I am wrong, is maybe the ONLY actor who can play a role like he did in White Chicks and come into this film losing NO credibility as a tough action figure.... is it just cuz he is completely jacked? i dont know.)
As you can see, Stallone's film has enough stars to make at least 4 action films yet putting them all together left the film with NO moments of doldrums. This film is THE most intense action fighting I have seen. The fight scenes have so much blood and impact that I had to cringe at some of the moves that they were making... Statham's fight on the basketball court was by far my favorite. I urge all fans of Predator, Rocky, Rambo, Martial Arts Films, ANY 80's action flick to go and watch this film. You will NOT be let down.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 9

Brooklyns Finest

Hey Guys. Sorry to break it to you but I just stopped watching Brooklyn's Finest in the middle of the movie. I just turned it off. All I will say is that it is so similar to EVERY cop show on TV with a splash of the movie Crash (different stories combining into one) and a lot of legitimately great actors playing roles that have been played out over the last 4 or 5 years. Drugs, undercover cops, home-life's taking the toll because of the job, a mean head of the Precinct.... you've seen it as much as I have. I was sad to see Ethan Hawke, Don Cheadle, and Richard Gere act out these roles. I'm actually upset. So, I guess I will let you be the judge of it.....

My Elementary Grading Scale: N/A
1-10: N/A

N/A - Not Applicable because I couldn't let myself watch the rest.....

Alice in Wonderland

All respect to Johnny Depp. Other than that, I feel like this Disney Classic was ruined by turning it into a real(ish)-life take on the book by Lewis Carrol. Very similar to the cartoon version, the 2010 film failed to make an impact. If not for our advancements in computer technology, there would not be too much to say about this film. In an attempt to make the film more adult-friendly, Tim Burton tried to give the story a fairly darker edge and included some "other-worldly" characters to roam through this fantasy land.
I am sure all who are reading this know the story of Alice's adventures in Wonderland: the Cheshire Cat, The Red Queen, The White Queen, Blue Caterpillar, Mad Hatter (Depp) and so on. I should lay out a disclaimer about how I am fairly skiddish when it comes to animation and/or a combination of "real" and "CGI". I simply am just not a fan. So, knowing that, there is possibly an unfair balance on what I say about the film since MOSTLY everything of the film was enhanced. The story was the same so if you have seen the original, you MAY just be good with that. However, I know everyone will still want to go see Johnny Depp play another "crazy" role which is becoming his forte. I still like him in Donnie Brasco.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 6.5

The Crazies

I have become aware of the need to drink bottled water from exotic locations after watching this small town apocalyptic horror/suspense/thriller about a "town-gone-bananas" from a contaminated water source. Fiji water from now on for me. You MAY be thinking, "Hey, isn't that the same storyline as Cabin Fever 1 and Cabin Fever 2?" I will tell you now, "Yes, yes it is fellow movie watcher." However, there is a noticeably different feel to the movie and plot which allows this film, The Crazies, to have its own position in the "contaminated water" film genre that we all know and love. A true suspense film to the very last, I really was entertained by the film. No awards by any committees on this one, but an exciting, fun movie nonetheless.
After an unknown water contamination reaches a small rural farm town in Iowa, it is only a matter of a couple days when all HECK breaks loose. Sicknesses causing men and women to turn psychopathic erupt as an outbreak and the next thing you know, the government is quarantining the town in hopes to stop this horrid illness. As you may have guessed, the quarantine did NOT go as planned (or the movie would literally be 20 minutes long) and a series of chases, gore, and "edge of your seat" moments lead you along as a husband cop (Timothy Olyphant) and wife doctor (Rhada Mitchell) do there best to evade the whack jobs in the government and the whack jobs who are literally whack jobs.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 7.5

Cop Out

I went into this film scared that it was going to ruin Tracy Morgan for me. I was on the borderline with him, walking this thin line between "overly-stupid" and "straight-up genius" Go to far to the stupid, and it stops being funny....not stupid enough, and its not funny enough sometimes. Actors like Morgan must be careful in their roles as comedians in how they play that type of role. I was happily surprised to find that Tracy Morgan made the movie great! For many scenes, he carried it and made the film THAT much better. Bruce Willis did his fare share playing the "straight-man" in this cop-duo that reminded me a lot of the classic films, Beverly Hills Cop, 48 Hours, and Lethal Weapon. Jimmy and Paul are too cops, suspended after a shoot-out-gone-wrong and are desperate to find a missing baseball card that Jimmy (Willis) had stolen in a pawn shop robbery. Sounds cheesy but as the film went on, it really flowed well and I never felt like it was some far-fetched story line. I was genuinely entertained. As the chase goes on they find themselves working for a bad guy doing his dirty work just to get this "priceless" baseball card back to pay for Jimmy's daughters wedding and shutting up the rich step dad who has it out for him.
I really liked this film. Like I said earlier, Tracy Morgan ROCKED! I could see a sequel coming out of this because the cop duo had great chemistry and the film definitely was fun and exciting. All you 80's cop movie fans will agree!

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 8

When In Rome

In an imaginary world where coins become lucky when you throw them in a fountain, we find ourselves with a love story that includes magical love potions sending men chasing down Beth (Bell),our young "unlucky in love" event planner who unknowingly changed fate by pulling some coins out of the fountain. Soon after she is nearly hunted down by the likes of 4 suitors willing to do anything for her love. Unfortunately, the guys she has chasing her are not your typical "hunks" and their bizarre acts to show their love end up pushing her further into a strange magical world where the flip of a coin into a fountain REALLY meant something.
I went into this film expecting another "cookie-cutter" romantic comedy. Throw your plot, location, and actors in the mix and you get what we have been seeing the last 10 years or so. Same old story between a boy and a girl and same old happy ending. But don't forget that one final twist and you have yourself a romantic comedy. Fortunately I felt this film did have its own element of originality. They used a MAGIC SPELL to make the love story their own. Kristen Bell was the lead actress along with Josh Duhamel as her love interest and there was a surprisingly great cast of actors their to support the cause. Danny Devito, Anjelica Huston, Will Arnett, Dax Sheperd. I want to say Jon Heder but after the movie Napoleon Dynamite he can NOT get out of that role in any movie he plays. We all know him as this guy and he has been forever type cast in all films that will ever be. So, in my opinion, he was a little bit annoying. I think that the cast overall though, can pick up the slack of the cheesy story-line and still entertain.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 7

The Wolfman

If you think that YOU have a problem once-a-month that makes you irritable, upset, and bloated then you might wanna re-evaluate just how bad you really think it is...The Wolfman, starring Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt and Hugo Weaving creates an enchanting world of gypsy folklore, legendary creatures and a misunderstanding English village. After returning to investigate his brothers mysterious death, Lawrence Talbot (Del Toro) is attacked by a beast as he was at a Gypsy camp looking for clues. Upon his survival, he realizes that now that he has been bitten and recovered from his attack, he must take on a whole new set of problems. One being his ability to turn into a blood-thirsty maniacal "wolf-man" who uncontrollably goes after anyone and everyone during a full moon. Secondly, his new-found ability/struggle strengthens what the family had already believed about their family's curse as Anthony Hopkins, as his father, fills in the gory details

Taylor Lautner has a lot to learn from Benicio Del Toro about what a B.A. Werewolf is SUPPOSED to be. No over-sized, "almost cute" wolves running around shirtless trying to win the love of cute teens over here. This Wolfman is a straight-up killer who cant do anything but destroy people. I know not a single woman will fall for THIS wolf and begin wearing "Team Del Toro" T-shirts anytime soon. This film holds firm to the original monster movie and does the story justice. Kudos to you Wolfman.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 8.5

Shutter Island

It's crazy to think that the first time I saw Leo DiCaprio was on Growing Pains as he played a homeless rebellious teen. He has come a LOOOONG way! Shutter Island stars a very talented Leo along with Ben Kingsley and Mark Ruffalo, and I can only imagine the praise he is about to receive for his role as World War II Veteran/Federal Marshall, Teddy Daniels. Martin Scorsese's new mystery/suspense/thriller at an almost forgotten island holding America's criminally insane had me on the edge of my seat as the plot slowly unfolded into a beautifully sad story that took me in and made me feel for the characters throughout. As Daniels (DiCaprio) investigated a bizarre abduction at the facility, twists and turns unveil to lead to an unexpected outcome. It is one of those type of movies that you have to see again after you have seen it the first time. I think it will be a different, just as good, experience watching it again knowing what you know in the end..... no spoilers here! I actually WANT you to go see this.

Eye-opening moments of realization and eerie scenes of suspense made this film a "must-see" in my opinion. Terrific performances by all the actors and a soundtrack of classical music that truly enhances the story and builds the emotions to develop those characters and moments made it so, when the movie was over, I wanted to see it again.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 9

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever

When the cartoony opening credits are the most interesting part of your movie, you know you are in for a rough ride. I swear I saw the same EXACT plot line in a zombie movie not too long ago about a High School that was quarantined because of a zombie outbreak and were being killed off....maybe it was called Zombie High School???? If you are reading this, have seen that movie, please comment and let me know. Anyway, this time, instead of zombies, it was infected teens. Kind of like The Hills or Laguna Beach (for those of you who like to reminisce about the good old days of MTV reality before Flava Flav, New York, or the Jersey Shore hit the screen).
Cabin Fever 1 had left Rider Strong half alive on the banks of a river dying of poisoning from a bizarre rash that killed everyone and that is where part 2 picked up as we find him demented, grotesque, oozing, and running through the woods. Spoiler Alert: He was in the movie for 20 seconds yet found his way on to the opening credit cast list....maybe because he was the only actor anyone had heard of in the sequel so they felt it would beef up the "street cred". LionsGate films produced this which was a surprise to me, but it only means one thing. Actual money behind the film to spend on special effects. Maybe too much money which you will see if you indulge in this film. Let's just say maybe, too many things are oozing and gooey and bloody for me.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 5.5/6

YouTube - osubuckeyes54's Channel

YouTube
- osubuckeyes54's Channel

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's: Sherlock Holmes (2010)

Unfortunately this version of Sherlock Holmes not only lacked the firepower that Guy Ritchie's film had, it also lacked the sense of timing as it came out only a couple months after the star-studded, action-packed, high budget film did. This version was made by a company called Asylum films and I went into the film knowing that it was not going to be a "bigger than life" film. It started out great by making itself more of the original Sherlock Holmes with the "elementary my dear watson" and "the game is afoot" lines and I really was getting excited to see an old school Holmes. Enter the boat eating squid and Tyrannosaurus Rex. Slowly slipping into the Sci-Fi genre I found myself fighting to keep my eyes open. What it lacked in special effects (due to funding I am sure) it could not make up for it in the storyline. If I wanted to go see a horrible movie with cheesy characters being chased by dinosaurs I would have rented Land of the Lost..... Thats what this was. Land of the Lost in 19th century London. Don't let the beginning of the film fool you. Its all a ruse.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 3.5/4

Edge of Darkness

Okay, I know Mel Gibson has said and done some things that no one would be proud about. But can't we let bygones be bygones? He has done no more wrong than half of the celebs we adore in Hollywood and we watch there movies and stalk them on TMZ and Perez Hilton. Let us also not forget, rather absurdly, people were willing to look passed what Roman Polanski had done due to his "tremendous" accomplishments in the film world. "Forgiveness is a virtue" has taken a backseat and I think its time we move it on up to shotgun.
Edge of Darkness stars Mel Gibson as a Boston detective who has just stood next to his estranged daughter as she was gunned down in his own house. After a depressing fall, Gibson rises up to avenge his daughters death by figuring out the story of his daughters mysterious work and untimely, horrific demise.
Gibson plays the role of a grieving, yet vengeful father to a tee. I thought he did a great job in his role at getting the audience, in this case just me, to root for him to succeed. This murder mystery I put right on up with the Ashley Judd/Morgan Freeman films, Kiss the Girls and High Crimes. I wasn't even bored during the scenes with mainly dialogue because the story was interesting enough to want to know everything going on.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 8/8.5

Everybody's Fine

There will never be another DeNiro. He has such a good way of leading you through a story with his stern yet comical sense about him. This film, Everybody's Fine, is one of his best performances in the last 20 years and that is no exaggeration. A widower goes on a quest to reconnect with his 4 children who have spread out over the U.S.. The only problem is that they are all covering a secret and tried at all costs to avoid him. After a series of unfortunate events he finds out just what is really going on and it forces him to re-think just how good of a job he did as a father.
This movie was done so well. Every aspect was intricately planned out and done in an extremely memorable way. The actors supporting DeNiro did a great job playing disconnected but loving children and this was the first time I actually liked Drew Barrymore since E.T.. If anyone asks me what my favorite movie lately has been, I will have to go with this. Maybe because I like human drama, or because it was great to see DeNiro performing so well, all in all, this film kept me entertained more so than most movies of this genre. I hope everyone gets a chance to see this at some point. Future classic.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 9

Legion

I saw Legion but the quality was not the greatest so it seemed a lot darker (literally) than it probably was....which is good because there were many parts where I was freaked out and was appreciative of the fact that I could NOT see the HD/HQ/1080p image that would get scarred into my cerebellum. I was,however, able to watch the film and see the whole movie and get the ideas and know, generally, what was going on. A battle between Angels and Demons that put the battle Tom Hanks was fighting for Dan Brown to shame. Much more intense violence and demonic images made this film frightful and even the angels had a rough edge. I think people should see it so I won't give away too much of the movie, unlike the films that suck where I will pretty much divulge all of their secrets (unless it really is a complete waste of time).
Paul Bettany plays a disgruntled employee of God (Michael the angel) and fends off hoards of demons on earth to protect a baby that is to be slaughtered by Satan's cronies. Dennis Quaid, Tyrese Gibson, and Kevin Durand round off this cast which I felt was pretty solid. Of course you could consider the CGI as a character because so much of it was computerized, which in my opinion, if done correctly is okay. Enjoyable movie but not for the faint of heart.....

My Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily
1-10: 7.5/8

CA$H

Yes you saw correctly. The genius marketing crew for this film were clever enough to think to put a dollar sign ($) for the 'S' in the word "cash". Applause. How did you ever come up with that? I felt like I was watching Sean Bean act in his last movie ever. A heist film where a deal goes bad, the villain tries to get the money back, and an unsuspecting poor couple ends up with the money and a bad guy chasing them at that. I am not saying I want a new story line or a great new invention of a movie, but I feel like you could pull all the lines from other heist movies that have been made and write the screenplay for "CA$H".
The twin brother of a criminal who stole money goes in search of the half a million that is missing after his brother got busted running from cops. (Sidenote: the fact that Sean Bean has a twin brother in this movie is TOTALLY irrelevant and I truly feel it was done solely for the purpose of saving money on one less actor so they could pay Sean Bean his due payment.)When the jail-less brother catches up to the boyfriend and girlfriend who has the money, there is a battle to return all the money, even the money that they spent on their immediate shopping spree. This does not make the people who stole the money very happy. You can guess what happens next.
If you LOVE Sean Bean, then you will love this film because he is literally one of the only things going for this movie. If not, then you may want to bring your gameboy or game gear with you to the movies......

My Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 5

Matt Marinchick - thebeginning

Matt Marinchick - thebeginning

Something to really get you pumped up!

Beauty and the Beast (2009)

If I were to step outside right now, collect the few coherent people in my neighborhood, hire one computer nerd and turn my camera....I would come very close to what the creators of this film had done. Maybe their sets would be more elaborate but when I look at a man in the film who lay dying covered in Kool-Aid soaked rags over his stomach to "resemble" entrails, it makes me wonder if the producer let this movie slide do to self-deprecation or just alcoholism. Not fit to qualify as a "Made for TV" movie or even a "Straight to DVD" film, Beauty and the Beast is a mix of poor acting, cheap effects (minus the CGI), and a tweaked storyline that fails to bring in the crowd.
There was an effort to make this story more likable to the "over 20's" that MIGHT have gone to see this movie. More murder, more "scary" moments and wizardry were all a botched attempt to spice things up. This movie fails the course and I don't think it will get a retake. Sorry Estella Warren (the only actor who I recognized) you picked the wrong film to get your career jump-started again.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 3

Planet Hulk

Going straight to DVD is a bad thing 99% of the time. That other 1% is usually designated for comic book movies such as this. Marvel Comics comes out with a steady flow of movies every year that are only about 75 minutes long and are, in my opinion, very entertaining. Since they are "movies" they are usually better illustrated than normal "Saturday Morning Cartoons" and are directed to a more grown up crowd due to its violence (blood) and humor. I have found all the Marvel Cartoon Movies I have seen (Thor, Wonder Woman, X-Men, Watchmen, Hulk) to be good enough to hold my attention for awhile.

Hulk Planet starts off as Hulk has been banished from Earth by Iron Man due to his violent rampages that usually left earth in Shambles. Hulk, after a violent inter-stellar rage, misdirects his ship to a far off planet engulfed in Violence as its leaders are looking for a "savior". Enter Hulk. Hulk smashes his way to stardom and the rest is history. If you got an hour or so to spare...check it out. I thought I had "outgrown" cartoons over the last year or so, but this film basically re-sparked my interest.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily

1-10: 7.5

The Book of Eli

YES.

GO SEE IT.

Ok, now that's out of the way, I can fill you in with some thoughts and info about a really great movie. I have yet to see a film starring Denzel Washington that I didn't like and that trend holds true even after his new film, The Book of Eli. He plays a lone traveler trekking across the U.S. on a quest to protect something sacred. I dont want to give away too much but I can tell you that he does a tremendous job as a "post-apocalyptic Moses", if you will. Mila Kunis joins him as a girl desperate to escape the growing grasp of a ruthless despot played by Gary Oldman who has a great performance as well, similar to the evil leader he played in The Fifth Element.

Full of religious undertones, and overtones, I thought that the writers and directors did a great job of not painting Christianity or living by faith in a bad light. The film actually showed a decent man trying to live a decent life and do the right thing, holding to his convictions and all the while he was portrayed as a man amongst men in a world where it was so easy to take the path of least resistance to secede to our human nature. There are themes of religion causing war, inciting the poor and religious zealotry and they are all poignant topics at this point in history. I highly recommend everyone see it. Not only is it action packed but its post-apocalyptic (one of my favorite themes) too. It's not just for the religious-minded at all. You will truly enjoy the twists and turns from a man who must resort to violence to protect what he was manifested to keep.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 8.5/9

Leap Year

Tell me that a movie is a romantic comedy these days, let me know the location, actors, and how many people are involved and I can basically tell you EXACTLY what is going to happen. Girl/Boy loves Boy/Girl. Girl/Boy realizes the Boy/Girl might not be right for them. Girl/Boy conveniently runs into a "new and improved" Boy/Girl. Girl Boy realizes that the "old" Boy/Girl does not have what it takes to be with them forever. Girl/Boy falls in love with the new Boy/Girl but not before thinking that all hope is lost. Girl/Boy and Boy/Girl live happily ever after riding off into the sunset.

Throw in an old Irish tradition of the woman asking the man for marriage on a leap day and you have yourself a new, "original" movie. Amy Adams, Adam Scott, and Matthew Goode star in this romantic comedy set in Ireland. Needless to say, I was not impressed but felt I had to do my part and post some reviews that maybe women would be more drawn to watching. If you are into "cheese" and something you have seen 100 times, then this movie is FOR YOU! If you want something good, go and see The Boys are Back starring Clive Owen. One of my favorite films in a long time.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement

1-10: 4

Daybreakers

In the future, historians will look back at American culture and ponder over the question of, "why does Hollywood make SO MANY vampire movies?" And to this I say, I do not know. Maybe its our fear of death, fear of bats, quest for eternal youth.... Who knows?!

Daybreakers is somewhere between the cuteness of Twilight and the toughness of Blade. Vampires with compassion rule Earth in the year 2019 and are searching for an alternative to human blood to preserve their life from a dwindling vampire population. Ethan Hawke and Willem Dafoe have discovered a major breakthrough in this dilemma to combat the pugnacious vampires of Earth in hopes of saving humanity.

I love vampire movies, zombie movies, and apocalyptic movies. However, they have to have something in them that I like such as an interesting premise, great cast, or great effects. Daybreakers had the effects. The reality and grotesqueness of their vampire-ness was quite a cool look. Daybreakers had the cast. Willem Dafoe and Ethan Hawke are definitely great actors who I have enjoyed in past films (Reservoir Dogs (Dafoe) and Great Expectations (Hawke)). Daybreakers however did not have an interesting premise. In my eyes, after seeing SO many vampire movies, I was hoping for something truly original. Unfortunately, it is hard to create an original idea with 2847549 vampire movies out there already ( I made that number up ). BUT, 2 out of 3 ain't bad. I would go see it if I were you and you like scary movies.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily

1-10: 7

Sherlock Holmes

CSI: 19th Century London....... I can't wait for the spinoff from this movie!

"Elementary, My Dear Watson!" is something you won't hear in this movie.... The only cliche line left in this movie from his stories of old is, "The game is afoot!" Guy Ritchie obviously spent time making the story of Holmes, Watson, Blackwood and Moriarty his own in this tale of detective work in the bustling streets of 19th Century London. Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, and Rachel McAdams put their twist on this great classic. After a series of murders in the city, Holmes captures the notorious Blackwood, played by Mark Strong, and from here on out is where all the confusions begins. Upon Blackwood's resurrection, after being put to death for murder, more murder and mystery stemming from this evil, cult-like villain continue leaving Holmes perplexed but not beat. With the help of his reluctant sidekick, Dr. Watson (Law) and a mischievous criminal who has Holmes affection, Ms. Irene Adler (McAdams), the crew makes quick work of ending a MUCH larger conspiracy that is unfolding. Leaving room for a sequel, Professor Moriarty, who is Holmes' true nemesis in the classic novels, steps forward and displays his cruel and devious plot.

This movie was well made, witty, and a tribute to a classic story that I think may have been lost on the wayside in the time of all the new fantasy fiction and mystery novels out today. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was the originator of the Holmes series and I feel he would appreciate this rebirth of his story to a new generation. The film was lively and interesting. Seeing the wit of Holmes and his persuasive, maniacal genius that was essential to him being able to complete his work was what kept the movie progressing. Kind of a turn of the century (19th Century) Horatio Caine of CSI: Miami........

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 8.5/9

The Road

Cormac McCarthy's book The Road was one of the best books I have read in the last few years. He has a way of writing with such description that you can vividly see exactly what he wants you to see and McCarthy's way of writing about the reality of the human spirit is what made me fall in love with his works. No Country for Old Men and All the Pretty Horses are just a couple more of his books that were turned into films. I suggest all fans of reading to go to their local library or bookstore and check out some of his stuff. You will not be disappointed.

The Road is about a father and son struggling to survive in a harsh new world of decay and disaster after nuclear war had ended existence as we know it. A handful of men and women remained on earth and the majority had become ruthless privateers willing to do anything and everything to survive including cannibalism and slavery. Not as far-fetched as some apocalyptic films like Mad Max, Water World, or Zombieland; The Road is more of a human drama as it depicts a Father's love for his son and the passing of wisdom from one generation to the next.

Viggo Mortensen does an extremely wonderful job capturing the agony of having to watch his son struggle with hunger and fear while also being brave enough to do whatever needed to be done to protect and provide for him as well. Perfectly played and perfectly captured. I felt that it was as close as you can get to trying to recreate a book which is often a seamless task. Well Done. I can't wait to watch it again.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 9

The Lovely Bones

Good week for movies. I got to see The Boys are Back along with this great supsense/drama film starring Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Stanley Tucci, Susan Sarandon and new starlet Saorise Ronan. A star-studded cast and a great director (Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings) brought this film to life and created an incredible world that wove reality and fantasy into a great story overall. After their daughters murder, Whalberg and Weisz play grieving parents who take different paths in dealing with their daughters mysterious abduction and death. I think that mostly you can see this film's theme as "a fathers love for his daughter" and just how far someone is willing to go for their child. Sarandon plays the alcoholic grandma who struggles to mend the family and take care of the situation the best she knows how. As time passes, clues are brought forth from beyond by the dead daughter through a series interactions with her relentless father and sister who are bent on finding her killer. Tucci plays an amazing role as the peculiar, suspicious, plotting neighbor who finds it hard to completely walk away from his "work".

Its hard to believe that the first time I saw Tucci play a role it was as a criminal in the kids' film Beethoven. He has come a long way and does an amazing job making the viewer cringe, and made me feel like I wanted to jump into the film and grab him myself. I am not spoiling anything for the movie because it is evident from the beginning that Tucci's character will be the "bad guy". I thought this film was so great. I was intrigued and glued to my seat through the entire film. No one wants to think about something as horrible as young girls being abducted but Jackson directs a great film which doesnt go into the grotesque yet leaves you knowing what has happened.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 9

Smokin Aces 2: Assassins' Ball

Where to begin? I guess I should first start by asking the question, " Is a movie considered better the more shocking it is, or is 'shock' just something placed in a movie to make up for lack of quality?" I personally believe that a film done correctly can challenge, excite, enlighten, and touch the viewers emotions without the need to be overly explicit in any way. Of course there are the movies like Saw and The Last House on the Left that simply horrify you and gross you out to the point where it is etched in your mind for weeks to follow. Those kinds of movies are generally popular but you cannot say that there will be any awards or praise given to those movies any time soon.

Here we find a film that borders on grotesque but the filming was entertaining and the actors were talented enough to appreciate the writing and acting for itself. I have been a fan of Vinnie Jones ever since he was in Snatch but unfortunately his role was not long enough to really improve the film overall. He along with many other actors were all assassins trying to kill an FBI analyst involved with some cover-ups in the middle east. Due to a specific time slot for assassination, a barrage of attempts at his life leave the FBI ops that were to protect him reeling in a mess that gets more and more intense until an explosive ending with a twist.

I personally liked the film only for the fact that it was visually entertaining with loud noises and big bangs and bloody messes..... a stimulation of the senses but I certainly did not walk away from the film any better for seeing it. Basic entertainment to say the least.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Progressing Satisfactorily

1-10: 6.5

The Boys are Back

Clive Owen at his finest. I can boldly say that this movie is a tear jerker and I definitely soaked my shirt sleeve by the end of the movie.

Joe Warr (Owen) is left a widower after his wife suddenly dies from cancer leaving him with their son to start a new life in a strange new situation that both of them are finding hard to adjust to. Through a string of events, Joe reunites with his son from a previous marriage and further complicates, yet enriches, their lives. Clive Owen plays a father who is desperate to come to peace with his wife's passing and be the father he should, while maintaining his career as a sports writer and it's his job that truly adds to the defining moment of the film where he almost loses everything again.

I was so impressed with this film. I was waiting for a long time for this movie to come out and as time passed I completely lost track of its release date. I truly think this movie was made for fathers, but as you can see, it can be enjoyed by anyone. Such a "pick me up" story after the film started off in tragedy. I hope everyone goes and sees this film because unfortunately there haven't been many movies as good as this one as of late.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 9.5/10

Paintball

The Paintball version of Saw. A group of adventure seekers set out on a trip to a jungle to participate in the BEST paintball gun fight ever. Unfortunately upon arrival, the crew realizes that someone they are fighting is using real bullets and real knives and traps and their numbers begin dwindling. As the group slowly starts to realize their plight, the in-fighting for leadership roles only furthers their demise.

This movie was borderline ridiculous. There were many scenarios that if thought out, could have been avoided, and if they truly wanted to escape, I KNOW that they could have improvised a way to leave the simple electric wire fencing that held them in the jungle. The acting was sub-par, with a cast of actors who I have never heard of, for a good reason I now know. Skip it. Unless you are planning on going to a Paintball fight in the jungle and are possibly going to be shot at with real bullets at the same time. You will learn exactly what NOT to do.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement

1-10: 4.5/5

Avatar

This was the most phenomenal (spelled that right the first time) display of CGI that I have ever seen thus far. The world created in this film was something straight out of a fantasy fiction novel yet also reminded me of the 90's cartoon movie Fern Gully.

When the Humans invade a new planet, Pandora, looking for Unobtainium (fuel), they choose to mercilessly take over the planet by removing anything and everything that gets in their way. By reating special hybrid "Avatars" they are able to infiltrate the enemy and learn information about these indigenous creatures. Jake Sully, a sympathetic human who happens to be paraplegic and finds the use of his avatars legs an awakening experience, begins to side with the native Na'vi tribes. War invokes as humans battle against Na'vi and all at the same time, a love story blossoms between Sully and a Na'vi princess.

Like I said, this movie is incredibly great to watch. I did not get the chance to see it in 3D but I heard that it was EVEN better which is amazing. HOWEVER, many of the messages were a direct, unabashed attempt to shame America and its people for what is going on in the Middle East. James Cameron parallels the battle for the planet and its commodities to the conflict going on over seas right now and though I may not agree with everything going on right now over there Cameron shows the humans (Americans) as a merciless, thoughtless, power hungry people willing to do anything for new land and treasures. Generalization is usually the beginning of stereotyping and racism and it is a shame that Cameron chooses to do that to his fellow countrymen. Why propagate the issue as opposed to offering a better solution through his film can probably be summed up in his frustration with what is going on, which I guess I cannot blame him for. If you do not want to support it, then don't go watch the movie. If you can look past it, then you will surely enjoy a movie that you could call "pleasing to the eye".

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations

1-10: 8.5/9

Back at it SOON!

Dear Readers,

I have spent that last few months solely watching television shows and older films so I haven't truly had any new films to comment about. BUT, that is about to change. I just started up again, so rest assured, I will be blogging about the new recent development in the movie entertainment industry.... Hope you all enjoy.

Thank you,

Matt Marinchick