Salt

After a CIA agent (Angelina Jolie) is accused of being a Russian spy, she goes on the run to clear her name. Fortunately, this is not the end of the story. Many doors are unlocked metaphorically speaking and we find there is much more than meets the eye. Salt is a tale of deception, betrayal, patriotism, and just doing what you gotta do to survive. Jolie definitely channeled her role as Tomb Raider as she runs around Washington D.C. kicking everyone's butt in the city. Wait til the end, and you will be thirsty for a sequel, which they HAD to have in mind as they blatantly left the ending open for part two.
Though the concept is similar to Jason Bourne of Bourne Identity, it definitely has its own unique elements. I am always skeptical of seeing skinny, almost anorexic girls, beating up grown, government trained men. I feel like I could take a barrage of karate moves from a woman such as Jolie, but for the sake of the movie, it was entertaining. This film definitely was intense and kept me entertained all the way through. I really am excited to see what she is gonna be up to in the sequel. Nice Work Angelina. The best thing you've done since Shark Tale.

Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 8

Piranha 3D

Hmmmm....what to say about Piranha???? If you re-use all of the cinematic elements that made Jaws a classic suspense/thriller and replaced the actors with B-list celebs....and THEN complete the film with CGI fishies, you have now created the epic re-make, Piranha 3D.
Not the best remake I have ever seen. I like Ving Rhames, I like Elizabeth Schue, I could take or leave Jerry O'Connell and I WISH Christopher Lloyd (Dr. Emmet Brown from Back To The Future I,II, and III) had more of a dominant role, only because he has a special place in my heart for his invention of a time traveling Delorian which ran on a flux capacitor at "1.21 Jigawatts!!"
Piranha is a story about a small vacation town that suffers a horrific prehistoric piranha infestation after a earthquake opens a sub-terranian lake underneath another lake. Unfortunately this happens at the worst possible moment, College Spring Break. A bunch of drunk bikini clad, careless girls and idiotic, rebellious boys are turn to fish food and the scenes of their demise make this worthwhile (sick as it is to say). The director of the film did a good job thinking up great ways to film fish eating people in a variety of ways....I guess its the fishes way of getting back at us for all the sushi we eat....

Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 4

Vampires Suck

Vampires do suck....but not as much as this film. Its unfortunate that there is a market for this kind of STUPID humor that relies on the obvious and overboard. But, as long as there are middle school aged kids around, these movies will keep being made. A spoof on the Twilight "saga", Vampires Suck can be only good for one thing....giving new young actors a job....unfortunately after starring in this film it will most likely be their last....
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Scary Movie I,II,III,IV (are there more?), but to just repeat the idea for every film gets a bit old. If you have seen the Twilight series, just imagine EVERYTHING that happens in it as a joke, and you can say, by default that you have seen Vampires Suck.
P.S. - I have to admit, I cracked up 2 times very hard....but thinking back, I can NOT remember what it was that made me laugh...good or bad thing?

Elementary Grading Scale: Needs Improvement
1-10: 5

The Other Guys

After a slow start, I finally bought into Will Ferrell's new comedy. It took the death of Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson to get me laughing and I think that this is where the film to get good. Two mismatched NYC detectives seize an opportunity to step up after their "hero" cops die -- only things don't quite go as planned. Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg star in a comedy/cop film written by Adam McKay (Anchorman, Step Brothers, Talladega Nights). After being thought of as complete idiots, Ferrell and Wahlberg attempt to redeem themselves by busting an undercover plot to steal millions from the NYPD...
The chemistry between the two main characters, Will and Mark, made this movie a great film to watch. However, the "cookie cutter" approach to this film which unfortunately takes place in all of McKay's films did make this film seem to drag on. If you are not a fan of Ferrell's type of comedy, then this is NOT the film for you... all 107 minutes of this film are peppered with "classic" Ferrell-isms, which made me laugh. As the movie went on the jokes got better and I began to really enjoy the duo's energy on screen.

Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 7.5/8

The Expendables

A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator. The team, nicknamed "The Expendables" is like the A-Team on Steroids....Literally... Sly Stallone leads the crew along with an iconic cast of action heroes... Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, and Bruce Willis. Also filling out the cast is a cameo from Arnie Schwarzenegger, Steve Austin, Randy Couture, Eric Roberts, and Terry Crews. (Terry Crews by the way, correct me if I am wrong, is maybe the ONLY actor who can play a role like he did in White Chicks and come into this film losing NO credibility as a tough action figure.... is it just cuz he is completely jacked? i dont know.)
As you can see, Stallone's film has enough stars to make at least 4 action films yet putting them all together left the film with NO moments of doldrums. This film is THE most intense action fighting I have seen. The fight scenes have so much blood and impact that I had to cringe at some of the moves that they were making... Statham's fight on the basketball court was by far my favorite. I urge all fans of Predator, Rocky, Rambo, Martial Arts Films, ANY 80's action flick to go and watch this film. You will NOT be let down.

My Elementary Grading Scale: Exceeding Expectations
1-10: 9